Gabriel spun lazily in his swivel chair, staring up at the ceiling.
I hate Customer Support, he thought. It’s always the same questions.
As if on cue, the phone rang.
“Heavenly Customer Service, this is Gabriel.” He smacked his gum. “What can I do for you?”
The voice on the other end droned on. And on. And on.
Typical existential crisis.
Gabriel pinched the bridge of his nose. “Listen,” he interrupted. “You just need hope. Hope is a gift, ya know? God’s pretty generous like that.”
A pause.
“How do you get it?” He rolled his eyes. “Through faith. Hope comes through faith in Jesus Christ, obviously.”
This human was getting on his nerves. They always did.
“I know I said hope is a gift. It is! It’s a gift from God, free for all. You just need some faith to really experience it.”
Another pause.
“No, it’s not like a gosh darned subscription service! Faith isn’t a paywall!”
...
“Okay, sure, paying tithing is one of the main ways you can demonstrate faith, but that’s totally different. This isn’t Netflix!”
...
“No, you cannot faith-share with members of your family who already have it. Okay fine, it’s a little similar to Netflix.
But Netflix got the idea from us. We’re the originals!”
Gabriel leaned back, rubbing his temples.
“Look, man, you said you needed a reason to keep going, and I gave you one. Not my fault you don’t wanna grind for the gift.”
A muffled response.
“There are plenty of gifts you need to work for! You ever apply for a scholarship? Or work a job where they gift you a bonus if you’re ‘high-performing?’ Oh! Or how about one of those ‘free’ flights from an airline rewards program—where you gotta basically sell your soul to rack up the points?”
“Yeah, hope’s kinda like that. A gift—you just gotta work to get it.”
“IT’S A GIFT!”
Gabriel slammed the receiver down and started hitting his head against his desk.
I swear to God if one more human—
The phone rang.
A deep sigh.
“Heavenly Customer Service, this is Gabriel. What?”
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